Way, way back (8 years ago) when Nate and I were completing marriage prep his pastor, we read a TON of books. The most influential - helpful - life changing book we read was the
5 Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman.
This book rips apart how to give and receive love. Most people have a grasp on how they feel most loved, but did you EVER stop and think that your spouse may
feel love in a different way?
Most likely, they do!
If you and your spouse are not speaking the right languages, there will be a total disconnect. We are part of a generation that loves efficiency. Wouldn't you want to make sure that the effort you are putting forth to love your husband or wife is being received as love?
That's why this book is GREAT! I have a copy that I can lend to you_ as soon as I remember who I lent it too...
I read this book once in the summer of 2004, and again while we lived in New York. My love languages really didn't change much during the first 5 years of our marriage. I thought - for sure - that my languages were set in stone. I
am a creature of habit.
Going through my old notes, I found my original ranking:
1 - quality time
2 - acts of service
3 - physical touch
4 - words of affirmation
5 - gifts
This totally made sense to me..... I was new to marriage and living with a husband who was a full-time student, both at Iowa State and Columbia University. I was adjusting to living with another person and taking care for the home while Nate was immersed in an intense program. I felt most loved when Nate would make time for me, giving me all of his attention and focus. I didn't really even care what we were doing as long as Nate could block out the studio deadlines and be present with me.
Also, a
very close second was acts of service. I took a lot of pride in cooking, cleaning, keeping the refrigerator stocked and later, caring for Miles. I felt loved when Nate would help out with the workload without being asked. I knew he loved and appreciated everything I was doing when he would help out once in a while. This book was so spot on and eye opening! (Especially since his love languages were totally different!)
I was reading
this blog post from another blog that I enjoy and saw that there's now an online assessment.
You can take the quiz yourself right
here.
So, I took it again - the one for the wife, obviously. Here's my new ranking/scores:
Love Language Scores (Perfect score is 12):
10 - Physical Touch
9 - Words of Affirmation
7 - Quality Time
4 - Acts of Service
0 - Receiving Gifts
My, my how things have changed! (Honestly, this looks like Nate's scores 8 years ago.... )
After having a delightful little boy, my looks have changed. I melt when Nate compliments my looks, my cooking, or my talents... Not the sarcastic, funny comments, but the
real compliments! Also, for Nate to reach out and hold my hand or put his arm around me like we are still young and dating also screams love!
I haven't gotten Nate to take the test again yet, but my guess is that the's still about the same. He's my constant these days.
I wonder what will my language look like in 8 more years?! If I'm still blogging, I'll let you know...
Another positive note... there are now more love languages books: for your children, for singles, for parents of teenagers....
I'm curious, aren't you?
Kelly
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